Gleefully, Father Will watched the girl breeze out of his office, her tight dress following the contours of her shapely body, her toned buttocks. As he manipulated his solid member through his cassock he hoped he'd brought her some relief; lifted the unbearable weight of anxiety from her young heart, creamed her vagina with his suggestion of daily masturbation. She'd be pleased that she'd confessed her sins, he knew. He was pleased he'd been able to help her in her plight, her quest for sexual fulfilment - but he'd sooner have helped himself to her body.
As he swigged his lager, wondering about his still-rampant erection and the money to be made from peddling soiled knickers, the telephone rang. 'Father Entercock,' he intoned lazily, pressing the receiver to his ear as he lit another cigarette.
'Will, you sad old pervy!'
'Christ, if it's not the bloody Vicar of Hallworth!' Will exclaimed, puffing on his cigarette. 'How's the C of E?'
'Not too bad. Much the same as you lot, I suppose - full of frustrated vicars. Anyway, how's it going me old mate, me old buddy, me old pervy?'
'It's going all right, Bob. Hey, I've just had a girl...'
'That doesn't surprise me!'
'No, I mean, she came to see me. She confessed that she wanks herself off, would you believe?'
'I presume you gave her a hand - or a knob?'
'I'd like to have done! Anyway, I told her to carry on rubbing herself, as she put it, and to write about it in explicit detail, and bring me her notes every evening. I told her she had to rub herself every day to drive out the demon in her.'
'Christ, that's a good one. I suppose you're going to toss yourself off while you're reading her notes?'
'No, I'll read her notes while she sucks me off! Seriously, though, she's a right little beauty! If I can take her under my wing, or better still, under my quilt...'
'Or under your body!'
'Ah, sheer bliss! If I can win her confidence, then I'm sure I'll also win her tight little pussy.'
'There's no stopping you, is there? You're a dirty old bastard, you really are. Anyway, I'm calling to tell you that I'm having some of the convent girls here for an evening of bible-bashing and, this is the good bit, that old slag-bag, the Mother Inferior, won't be accompanying the little beauties! But better than that, guess who else is coming?'
'Me, I hope!'
'Yes, but there's someone else coming along to our perverted gathering - that little tart you shagged the arse off.'
'God, don't remind me, Bob!'
'Why, what's the problem? Repercussions?'
'The archbishop's pissed off.'
'Yeah? Where's he gone, Las fucking Vatican?'
'No, he's pissed off with me, you fool! I had a letter from the bishop this morning. He's coming to see me tomorrow about my supposed dreadful behaviour.'
'I hope they do, for our sakes! Anyway, I'll get it sorted. So when's this orgy taking place? And why is it at your poxy church? They usually come here. I don't get it.'
'No, I don't suppose you do. It's tomorrow evening. The Mother Superior asked me if I'd mind the girls coming over me, I mean, coming to my church, as she can't trust you with them.'
'That doesn't surprise me.'
'Get here about six and we'll have a few beers before they arrive. I've bought four bottles of vodka and a case of tonic, just to loosen the beauties up a bit.'
'I'll loosen them up a bit! Listen, you shouldn't have bought the booze, I could have supplied... no, I'll tell you when I see you.'
'OK. Anyway, about sex o'clock, ha ha.'
'Great! Look, I have to go now; some nosy prat's wandering around the church, probably trying to nick the fucking silver - not that there's much of it left after my trip to the antique dealer. I'll see you tomorrow.'
'OK, Will, look forward to it.'
'And me. See you.'
Replacing the receiver, Father Will combed his hair back and stubbed his cigarette out before emerging from his office into the church. Eyeing a young couple he quickly brushed the cigarette ash from his cassock, squirted a shot of Gold Spot into his mouth and walked over to greet them.
'Good morning,' he said warmly. 'Welcome to Cumsdale church. I'm the Reverend William Entercock.' The couple turned, smiling nervously as he approached them.
'Good morning, Father,' the young man replied. 'We... we wish to be married here, in your church.'
Poor misguided sod! 'This isn't my church, my son - it's God's church.' More like the fucking money-making Catholic hierarchy's church!
'Right. Whatever you say, Father. Anyway, we want to be married here - Josie and I. And we'd like some guidance.'
Smiling benevolently at the young bride-to-be, Father Will imagined her screaming in orgasm on her wedding night as her new husband spread her legs and thrust his hard cock deep into her hot body, desecrating her sanctuary. The delectable morsel was in her early twenties, with short brown hair cut in a bob framing her suntanned face. An innocence shone from her big brown eyes as she gazed at her boyfriend, clutching his hand.
The ugly git didn't deserve a pretty little thing like her, the priest thought, surveying the girl's short skirt and tight top accentuating her curves, her rounded breasts. A delightful sight, he mused.
'Right,' he beamed enthusiastically with a clap of his hands. 'Marriage - excellent. Now, normally, you'd have to make an appointment to see me but... well, I have a little time to spare so... I'll need to speak with you both - separately, of course.'
'Separately?' the young man queried.
'Er yes, separately. Now, Josie, isn't it? You follow me and sorry, I didn't get your name.'
'Brian, right. You stay here, Brian. Or take a walk outside. It's a lovely day for... we won't be too long.'
Leaving her boyfriend to wander outside, Josie followed her mentor into his office. 'Take a pew,' Will invited informally as he shuffled behind his desk and sat down. Resting his elbows on the desk, he clasped his hands and waited for her to make herself comfortable before beginning his lecture.
'Sex, Josie!' he began firmly, shocking the girl into opening her mouth wide and staring at him in disbelief. 'Sex and love go together. You're in love with Brian, are you not?' He wondered what colour her knickers were?
'Yes, very much in love,' she replied softly.
'Good, good! Now, have you had sex with him yet?'
Josie blushed, lowering her head to conceal her guilt, he surmised. Her short skirt did little to cover her shapely thighs and Will found it pleasingly easy to imagine her naked, her pussy bared, opened, filled with her boyfriend's throbbing penis - his throbbing penis! Wondering if she'd taken Brian's pulsating knob into her pretty mouth and swallowed his gushing sperm, he continued.
'Sex to a man is like food, Josie - it's a need. A need that sadly is often neglected by women. That's why so many men turn to... anyway, I'm asking you whether or not you've had sex with Brian as it's important that a young couple be compatible in that area. So, have you had sex with him?'
'Well yes, sort of,' she replied hesitantly, wringing her hands in anxiety.
'Sort of?' Father Entercock persisted.
'We haven't gone all the way, Father. Not yet, anyway.'
'Ah, I see. So how far, exactly, have you travelled along the beautiful path of sexual enlightenment?'
'Petting... heavy petting, I suppose.'
'Good, good! And tell me, Josie, do you enjoy heavy petting?'
'Oh yes, very much, Father.'
One step at a time, Entercock. 'Excellent! Now, heavy petting, as you call it, can take many forms. What exactly do you get up to with Brian during your heavy petting sessions?'
'Well, we touch each other, I suppose. But what's all this got to do with our getting married, Father?'
What indeed? Fuck-all. But Will was enjoying their intimate chat, and his rising penis, and he wasn't going to let her spoil his fun. Looking up to the ceiling, wondering if he could buy girl-perfumed knickers in bulk, he took a deep breath before sitting back in his chair and folding his arms authoritatively.
'Sex, Josie, is important in a relationship, as I have said. Problems arise within marriages because the sexual side of relationships often falls short of one or the other's needs. I need to know about your sexual activities with your boyfriend, your future husband, so I can advise you properly. Now what do you get up to, sexually, with that young... with young Brian?'
'We play with each other, Father. He... he likes me to do it to him.'
'Do what?' Wank him off?
'Make him... you know, make him finish.'
'Ah, bring him to orgasm, you mean?'
'That's very good, Josie. It shows that you have an understanding of his male needs. Yes, that's very good indeed. Tell me, do you enjoy bringing him to orgasm by using your mouth?' Shit! Cool it, Entercock!
Watching the girl's reddening face the priest was sure he'd gone too far. Still wringing her hands she looked up to him and opened her mouth as if to speak, but only sighed. He glimpsed her tongue - soft, pink, wet. Problems in the oral sex department, he surmised, imagining her on her knees, her head beneath his cassock, his penis pumping sperm into her virginal mouth, bathing her tongue.
'I don't like doing that to him, Father,' she admitted flatly.
'Do you like him doing it to you?' Cunt lips open, hot tongue darting, licking...
'Yes, very much, but...'
'In a relationship, Josie, one has to be fair, unselfish. A marriage based on unfairness, on selfishness, is a marriage based on problems - a marriage doomed from the start. I don't want to worry you but you do have a serious problem. You enjoy Brian between your...' cunt-flaps, '...and yet you refuse to return the pleasure. Sexual pleasure should be mutual, shared. Now being unfair to your partner is no way to begin married life, is it?'
'No, I realise that, Father, but...'
'Wives must obey their husbands as they would obey the Lord, remember that, my child. Look, I have an idea. I have to go out shortly, so why don't you come and see me this evening, at the presbytery next door, and we'll discuss your problem further?'
'Brian's busy tonight, Father.'
'Good! I mean, I'd like you to come alone. After all, it's not Brian who has this dreadful sexual problem, is it? It's you, Josie.'
'But... but I've never looked upon it as a sexual problem.'
'I can assure you, my child, that you have, indeed, a sexual problem. But let's talk it over later; I really must be going now. Oh, by the way, I wouldn't tell Brian about our meeting this evening if I were you. I mean, we don't want him to know that you have sexual problems, do we?'
'No, no, I suppose we don't.'
'Think on this, my child - thy wife shall be fruitful as the vine that grows on the walls of thy house. Now, the vine will wither and die, will it not, if not watered? So, you must drink the seed of your young man's loins to be fruitful!' And my seed!
'That's settled, then. About nine o'clock?'
'That's rather late, isn't it?'
'I'm afraid I'll be tied up with a young lady from seven till about half-eight.'
'Oh, nine o'clock, then.'
'Good! Tell Brian I'll see him some other time. You're the important one, Josie. After all, it's you who has the problem, isn't it?'
'Yes, Father, I suppose so.'
'But never fear, my child, for I am here to guide you; to advise you on such matters. I've met many young couples in my time and I have been able to help them, counsel them, before they embark on the often bumpy road of marriage. In fact, my bishop is calling on me tomorrow to congratulate me,' give me a bollocking, 'on my success with young women. Anyway, I don't want to blow my own trumpet.' He'd rather she did. 'Until this evening, then. Go now, my child. And mayest thou live to see thy children's children.'
Watching Josie walk through the church, Father Will grinned. He'd soon have her begging for a man's penis throbbing in her mouth, filling her cheeks with sperm - his penis, his sperm. Looking up to the beams supporting the church roof he smiled and, cross-fingered, intoned his prayer. 'Thanks be to God! How fair are the chaste, how glorious the young maidens. I pray that they may welcome the pleasures of my flesh and be nourished by the fruits of my loins. Alleluia!'
Back in his office he popped another can of lager and reclined in his swivel chair, wondering again what to do about his ever-lurking erection. Turning to a knock at the door, he grinned to see a young nun entering...